Follow the instructions to find your new name. 
<p>Use the <u>third</u> letter of your <b>first name</b> to determine your new first name:
<li>a = poopsie<li>b = lumpy 
<li>c = buttercup<li>d = gadget 
<li>e = crusty <li>f = greasy 
<li>g = fluffy <li>h = cheeseball 
<li>i = chim-chim <li>j = stinky 
<li>k = flunky <li>l = boobie 
<li>m = pinky <li>n = zippy 
<li>o = goober <li>p = doofus 
<li>q = slimy <li>r = loopy 
<li>s = snotty <li>t = tootie 
<li>u = dorkey <li>v = squeezit 
<li>w = oprah <li>x = skipper 
<li>y = dinky <li>z = zsa-zsa 
<p>Use the <u>second</u> letter of your <b>last name</b> to determine the first half of your new last name: 
<li>a = apple<li>b = toilet 
<li>c = giggle <li>d = burger 
<li>e = girdle <li>f = barf 
<li>g = lizard <li>h = waffle 
<li>i = cootie <li>j = monkey 
<li>k = potty <li>l = liver 
<li>m = banana <li>n = rhino 
<li>o = bubble <li>p = hamster 
<li>q = toad <li>r = gizzard 
<li>s = pizza <li>t = gerbil 
<li>u = chicken <li>v = pickle 
<li>w = chuckle <li>x = tofu 
<li>y = gorilla <li>z = stinker 
<p>Use the <u>fourth</u> letter of your <b>last name</b> to determine the second half of your new last name: 
<li>a = head <li>b = mouth 
<li>c = face <li>d = nose 
<li>e = tush <li>f = breath 
<li>g = pants <li>h = shorts 
<li>i = lips <li>j = honker 
<li>k = butt <li>l = brain 
<li>m = tushie <li>n = chunks 
<li>o = hiney <li>p = biscuits 
<li>q = toes <li>r = buns 
<li>s = fanny <li>t = sniffer 
<li>u = sprinkles <li>v = kisser 
<li>w = squirt <li>x = humperdinck 
<li>y = brains <li>z = juice 
<p>
Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Goober Chickenshorts.